Friday, 8 November 2013

No more monkeys jumping on the bed

One of the first hard changes that I had to make in my life, because of the Muscular dystrophy, was the size of my family. I always thought that I would have at least five kids. I grew up in a family of five kids and loved it! Here I was, with two children, and had to face the idea that I probably wouldn't be able to have as many kids as I initially thought. I was doing pretty good taking care of Brigette but knew that we would need to decide soon if we could have one more. Brad was very supported and said he was on board with whatever I could handle physically. I knew that he wanted a boy. He tried to deny it but finally, one day, I broke him! I told him that it was very possible that the third would be a girl too. He said that he loved his girls and would be perfectly happy if the next one was a girl as well.

At this point I had been going back and forth on whether or not I felt like I could do another baby. Brad felt like there was definitely one more and that we could do it. So when Brigette was only six months old we started trying for our number three. Luckily it didn't happen right away. Haha! Luckily, the Lord's timing is much better than mine. Looking back now, if I had gotten pregnant right away we would have had three children in three years. It really was a death wish! And even now, they ended up being three kids in three and a half years. Still, insane, in my opinion, but perfect for our family.

Baby number three ended up being a little boy. I'm not a patient person at all, so as soon as I could find out I did. I called my Dr.'s office and asked what the ultrasound report said. She took a minute to find it and said, "male." I had to repeat it to her to make sure that I heard her right. I was so excited! I called Brad at work, right away, and told him it was a boy! He started to cry. Yeah right he didn't care!

Cooper's pregnancy was not easy. It was made a thousand times more fun that two of my sisters were pregnant and we were all due within six weeks of each other! This didn't make my mom all that excited as she didn't know how we were going to handle three babies so close together. But amid all the excitement, I was struggling. I was tired, weak and had two little girls under three. Brigette was obviously still very needy and dependent and Olivia was as busy as ever. Being pregnant again made it clear that this was the last time that my body was going to be able to handle pregnancy.

That was something that was really hard for me to accept. There was even a time when Cooper was a baby where I thought maybe we could sneak one more baby in there. I really wanted just one more. There were a couple of months where we didn't prevent pregnancy from happening but again the Lord knew best. After a couple of months, I was so tired and worn out, and weakening, that I realized there was no way I could do it again. I did have to mourn the fact that my family was done and that that decision felt like it was made for me. I wanted to decide when I was done. I didn't want my body to decide when I was done. And it is still something that I think about on occasion. With having three children so close together I probably wouldn't have been ready for number four until now. Cooper is three and a half and the thought of having one or two more would be exciting. My girls would absolutely love a new baby in our house. But even though it's not going to happen I am extremely grateful for the family that I have. I was blessed to be able to have kids at all, and for that, I will forever be thankful. My kids drive me crazy and make me want to scream, but when I see them all laying in my bed together, or my girls walking to the bus together, I know that the craziness is worth it. And when I hold other people's babies and realize how very little I would be able to do for them, it confirms that my family is complete. When I had my babies I didn't need someone there helping me care for them. I could do it all myself. Well, with a lot of help from Brad! And if there were a cure tomorrow, I may think about having more, but for now I am excited to see my little people turning into bigger little people and becoming good friends, just like I am with my sisters and brother.


  1. Wow! This one really hit me. I found t I have MS just over a year ago, and am currently going through another relapse. I have been struggling with this question this whole time and even before my diagnosis. We have had three miscarriages in the past three years. They have happened at 15, 19, and 6 weeks. I have four beautiful children, and would love more but perhaps it is time to listen to God and find another way to use my mother heart.